Give Thanks in All Things

I've debated whether or not to post this, and how much to say. But I feel that part of the grieving process is me sorting through my thoughts and feelings and getting them written down. Skip the details if it's too much. And know that this is more for me than anything.

It's been quite the whirlwind of a week. Probably the scariest experience of my life. I miscarried on Wednesday morning. I was 14 weeks. It was my first miscarriage and has obviously been rough. I didn't have much time to prepare, even though I spotted early on in this pregnancy for several weeks. Once I stopped (it's been over a month of no signs of problems) and hearing and seeing the baby's heartbeat, and moving into the 2nd trimester, I figured I was out of danger.

I was getting ready to go to yoga on Tuesday night and discovered some brown spotting around 8pm. I was concerned, but not too worried. But as the evening went on I realized I'd been cramping that evening. Went to bed and woke up at 1am because the cramping was painful. Really worried as it seemed to come in intervals too. Didn't see any blood, in fact I'd stopped spotting. Went back to sleep until 2am when it was so painful I couldn't sleep. Still no more bleeding. But called the midwife on call and as I was talking to her, I started bleeding. Rushed to the bathroom and miscarried right away. It came so fast, I really didn't feel prepared.
After about 1/2 hour I realized it wasn't stopping. I fell on the floor close to passing out, and called to Vince to get my mom here fast. They helped me to the car and I spent the next 20 minutes with the A/C blowing on me trying not to black out.

I about passed out again in the ER. They pumped me full of fluids and I stabilized. They tried to see how much placenta was still in, did an ultrasound, and found some left. The bleeding had slowed down at that point, but then around 4:30 I started cramping a LOT. More painful than before even. Over the next hour to 90 minutes I began bleeding again. The DR suggested a D&C, but then came back upset. Because of hospital policy, I wasn't an emergency case so they had to wait for the OR staff to come in at 7 to do the procedure. But by 7:00 I was crashing again. Willed myself to not go unconscious. I think my BP was around 40/19 at this point. They again pumped me with fluids and put me on oxygen till I could stabilize. But because they'd had to wait to get me to the OR for the procedure, I lost a lot of blood. My hemocrit levels went from 36 when I came in to 18.5 when I came out of surgery. I'd lost 1/2 my blood. They ended up doing a transfusion, and I had to be admitted for several hours. Levels looked better by later in the afternoon and I went home around 3:00.

I've been trying to process the fact that I could have bled to death, and that I lost my sweet baby. Experiencing the miscarriage at home was enough of a trauma. But I spent several days not being able to sleep well because of worry. I didn't want to have that scary experience again. And part of me had fought so hard to stay conscious that it was difficult to let it go and sleep. But the trauma of it has slowed way down, though now the grieving part has hit.

But through all of this I have come to be so thankful. I am so very grateful to be alive. I am grateful for modern medicine. I know without medical and divine intervention, I would have bled to death. So many things could have gone much worse. I'm so glad Vince was here, as he was 5 hours away all the week before. And I was grateful this didn't happen in MT for Thanksgiving next week.

Another great blessing I've come to appreciate is the amazing outpouring of love. I am so overwhelmed. I have loved the sweet notes, phone calls, hugs, tears, babysitting, clean bathrooms, chocolates, cupcakes, LOTS of cookies, and SO much food that has been given to us. (We really have no more room in our fridge!) I have been so amazed at all the love and concern I have felt from so many. I have seen so many other women and families who have experienced similar or worse tragedies, and have come to mourn with me as I mourn. These are examples of true Christians--true disciples of Christ. And most of all I have felt literally strengthened by many, many prayers offered in behalf of me and my family. I know that we are an eternal family. I know that the Lord feels my sorrow and I have felt the Comforter lift and sustain me through all my grief. I have been amazed also to feel such grief and such gratitude in the same moment. I am so blessed. There is much to be Thankful for.

Goodbye 20's, HELLLLOOOOO 30's!!!

As soon as I found out the Ogden Marathon was going to be on my 30th Birthday, I just KNEW I had to run it! Ogden was my favorite race--great volunteers, well organized, beautiful course, perfect time of year! So I signed up a good 6 months in advance. Good thing too, since it filled up so quickly this year.

I started training in the winter with a pretty good running base. But it was about mid-January, when I started running further AND trying to increase my speed all at once, that I began feeling pain in my left knee. It quickly turned from a nagging ache to a sharp, stabbing pain that forced me to stop completely. It got to the point that I couldn't run more than 2 miles without stopping. It was SO extremely frustrating. I knew my weeks were limited and that I couldn't just wait it out for several months while waiting for my knee to heal. The hardest part for me was that I felt so confused. Everyone seemed to have an opinion on what would help, or who to see. Rest it. Don't rest it. Ice it. Heat it. Stretch it. I was afraid to try anything because I just wasn't sure what would help and what would hurt it more.

But I'm so blessed to have a good, loving husband who gave me some wise counsel. After complaining through tears, he gently suggested that I just do all the things I know I should be doing (staying hydrated, warming up and cooling down, stretching, icing it consistently, etc.) and, with a little rest, see if that would help.

During this time, I'd also been struggling emotionally. I felt overwhelmed with my life in general. I felt that there was just way more to get done than I had the time to do. I felt so stretched, that I was doing so many things, but not doing any of them well. Not being able to run (which is such a stress-reliever for me) didn't help. It was around this same time that I was reading an article in the Ensign magazine about being Spiritually prepared. As I read, Vince's words came back to me: "Are you staying hydrated, warming up, stretching consistently? Are you doing those things you know will keep your knee healthy?" And I thought about how I'd been doing spiritually. The words came clear into my mind: "Are you reading your scriptures, praying, attending the Temple consistently? Are you doing those things you know will keep your Spirit healthy?" It was a huge moment for me. I know there is a strong connection between my physical and spiritual well-being. And I know that even though my problems with my knee didn't matter to my eternal well-being, because it mattered so much to ME now, I knew it mattered to my Heavenly Father. I knew it was important to Him because it was important to me.

So I began stretching and drinking more water. I also began praying more fervently and consistently. I originally thought it would be ONE key event, and my knee would be "fixed." But I began to see this as a process. I realized that it probably wouldn't click and be healed, that I'd probably have to baby it and work on it all along the way, and that I would still feel it, but that it would be manageable enough that I could run.

I had lots of thoughts of giving up. Maybe this was a sign that my body wasn't ready for a marathon right now. Maybe it was too much too soon. But I wanted this SO much! After all, this was MY marathon! This was my birthday gift to myself.

I've spent most of my life looking ahead to being a young, married mom. I'd always longed for the days that I'd have babies and start to raise them. I never really looked beyond that. (Who knows, maybe no one does.) I think turning 30, even though it's just a number, forced me to see beyond that. Once I get comfortable in a situation, I'm usually content to stay there. Why change if things are good? It's hard for me to step out into the unknown. Getting old seems so unknown to me!! And I know 30 isn't old. But it's made me realize that changes are ahead. And I hate change. So I wanted so much to run this as a celebration of my 30 years! Rather than mourn the loss of my youth, I wanted to celebrate what I've done, where I've been, and how I've lived!

These were the thoughts I took with me to the starting line.

The day started bright and early. (Well, actually DARK and early. Way too early.) I met my good friend, Heidi (pictured at the end in yellow) at 4:30am and we were able to load on the buses and take the long ride up to the start together. It's so fun to be in her company. She's upbeat and has a wonderful perspective on life. I love chatting with her. We huddled as close to the fires as we dared, trying to keep our muscles semi-warm. I was lucky enough to run with her for the first couple of miles, until she bolted ahead for her big finish.

Those first miles flew by so quickly! I was trying to suck in all the beauty of every mile. It's fun to see all those runners; I wondered what each of their stories were. I wondered at the lady who had pictures of a woman and the words, "Running for Robin" on her back. I wondered at the woman who was running for Huntsman Cancer research, whose note on her back said that one year ago today she was diagnosed with cancer, and here, today, was running for her own cause. I wondered at the couple who ran (and walked) hand-in-hand for much of the race. I wondered at the couple who carried the flags all 26.2 miles. Actually, I wondered enough to ask them. This was their 10th year running with the flags! How cool is that? I loved listening to the stories of the first-timers, and I tried to give them encouragement and told of my first experience, and how much I love marathons! All these helped me remember why I do this.

I wish I could say it was all easy and enjoyable. It wasn't. Inevitably my legs got tired, then sore, then fatigued, then painful! But I love that when it got really tough, I'd see a gorgeous bird, or a sparkling lake, or get a downhill section to help kick me past the hard spots. And if there wasn't something to distract me, that's when my thoughts would turn to my parents, siblings, friends, in-laws, Vince & my kids to help me through. I knew they were cheering me on and had faith in me to see this through. It helped so much to have Vince & Rachel jog along with me at the halfway mark. It was so good to see them and help me transition to OVER halfway there!

I found it interesting that the hard sections came at different points for me this time than the last time I ran Ogden. It was the hardest from about miles 10-12. And then again from 14-17. But once I got to the dam, I felt great! I started to pick up speed again. The last 4 miles, though, were really rough, whereas last time I finished strong. But this time I was tired and ready to be done. I first thought that I'd at the very least, be able to break 5 hours. I missed it by 3 minutes. :( But I was okay with that, all things considered. Plus it gives me another goal to shoot for next time!

But this race was a real emotional one for me. I spent a lot of those hours and hours reflecting on how blessed my life is. I was so grateful that my prayers were answered, that my knee healed so well that I could run! I thought a lot about these last 30 years. I thought about my childhood, and how simple and fun life was then. I thought about my adolescence, and my childhood friends. I thought about getting married and how blessed I am to have found Vince. I thought about my kids and how wonderful they are and how much I need my family. And it hit me over and over again how incredibly lucky I am! I have been given so much! It has been a wonderful 30 years. And yet I still have so much more to look forward to.

When I finally reached that last long stretch to the finish line, feeling so grateful, I couldn't help but spill out all those emotions when I saw Vince, & my sister, & sisters-in-law & their husbands, & my dear friend, Vanasa there cheering for me! And I thought of how far I'd really come getting to this point. Not just getting to this point in the race (which was a huge relief), but in getting to this point in my life. Things aren't perfect, and never will be in this life, but they are so, so good. And I am happy.

What a month!

I can't believe it's already been a whole month since little Rachel was born! And what a month it's been, too! I noticed the other day that the memory card on my camera was full. That seriously never happens. As I started scrolling through the pictures, I was amazed at how much we've done this past month! I'll post a few pictures to recap the past month, and then I'll just put the rest (well, my favs anyway) in a slideshow if you'd like to see more of what we've done.

We brought little Rachel home on the 1st of June. She wasn't too keen on her new carseat. (And still isn't, come to think of it.) That week was full of firsts--first ride home, first (sleepless) night home, first bath, first time to meet Grandmas and Grandpas, Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins!

Brooke had her Birthday on Friday the 5th. Her special 8th Birthday! (I still can't believe she's 8 already!) It was pretty low-key, unfortunately. I would have loved to have a grand party, but under the circumstances, it just didn't happen this year. But she got presents and a special cake, and she was happy, and very sweet about it.

I wavered back and forth, but finally decided we'd go ahead and do Brooke's Baptism on Saturday, June 6th. She was so excited, and I hated to have her wait. Looking back, I'm still not sure it was the best thing, but I'm still glad we did it. What an amazing experience to see your child making such important, righteous decisions! It was a very sweet moment. I remember one of my Mom's favorite scriptures is "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." I see now why it's such a wonderful thing to see your children making wise choices! I'm so blessed!

We also decided to bless Rachel that weekend as well, since family came all that way, it made more sense. But we opted to do it at the Stake Center just after Brooke's Confirmation. It was nice having it in a more private setting. Although, I'm still sad I didn't get the full chance to "show her off" to my ward friends. Selfish reason, though, I know. I have to say, both girls looked so beautiful all dressed in white!

We had a big family "party" at our house after the Baptism. I have a wonderful Mother and Mother-in-law who took over and put it all together for me since I was busy with a new baby. I'm so grateful for them and all my family that helped that day. It's always fun to be with family.

The next week was a bit quiter. My sister, Mary, was here visiting from CO so my kids spent a lot of time at Grammy's playing with cousins, which gave me a chance to rest a lot. Then Grandma Marjorie came down from Montana. Vince ran a 5k race in our city early on Saturday morning. Then the kids had their final soccer games and got their medals. Then it was off to recitals! Whew! Another crazy-filled, tiring day.

Grandma Marjorie stayed that next week to help me out. As it turned out, her helping out mostly came in the form of painting! We've been trying to scramble to finish our basement for months now, getting ready for Baby's arrival. And I was silly enough to schedule the carpet to be installed that Thursday. So we spent the next week doing all the painting for the basement! There were a few moments we all wondered if we'd reach our deadline, but we did! But only with lots of help from family! Couldn't have done it without them. And now it looks WONDERFUL!

Grandma left on Friday morning, and decided to take Brooke and Evan back to Montana for the week. I have to say, the house was SO quiet! It gave me the chance to organize the kids' room, and move their stuff downstairs to their new rooms in the new basement. It was a nice week being able to spend with just Vince and Rachel, but I was so ready for them to come home again.

Our last big adventure was last Saturday. Vince and I decided to do a fun 5k on an easy course. And I even got my Dad to do it with me! (Remember, he was in the hospital just 5 months ago recovering from open heart surgery! What an accomplishment!) Speedy Vince ran out and back in 20 minutes. I ran/walked with my Daddy and was able to cross the finish line with him in under 40. Not my best time, but one of the best 5ks I've ever done! Vince got 3rd place for the men 18-55, and my Dad got 1st place in his age division! Way to go, Dad! So proud of you!

So there's out month in a very loooong nutshell. Now I need another month to recover! Guess the only thing left for us to do is to take a very looooong nap!

And Four Became Five

Well, after waiting for so long, it finally happened. And I started this post last week, but didn't seem to ever have the time to finish. Plus, I've still been mulling the experience around in my mind for the last week, and needed some time to process it in order to tell you about it. I'm like that, though. Always have to think things through for a long time.

I will have to start at the beginning. And bear with me as I go through all the wonderful details. (Hope it doesn't gross anyone out!) I'd been feeling pretty miserable lately, especially since going in to the hospital on Sunday thinking I was in labor, and then being turned away and having to go back home babyless. Not a fun experience. By the time I made it to my appointment on Friday morning, I was so ready to be done. After talking to my midwife about my options, she asked if I wanted her to strip my membranes (even though she technically shouldn't have done it, she says, she was willing to as long as I didn't mention it to any of the other ladies in the practice). I told her YES right away!

I had some mild cramping and some contracting throughout the rest of the day. But nothing really too impressive or consistent. And I'll admit, that did disappoint me. So in order to not get so discouraged by sitting around thinking about how much I wanted to go into labor, I decided to go to my little brother's High School Graduation. Maybe the baby got bored during the long ceremony, or maybe it was walking up and down the Marriot Center stairs. But I noticed on the ride home, I started having some contractions, but only every 20 minutes apart or so.

At home, I made dinner and got the kids ready for bed. All the while I kept contracting, but they were still 15 minutes apart or so, not a big deal. But I did notice that they started to get more and more impressive (meaning painful). I really wanted to stay up and walk around and make sure they didn't fizzle out once again, but Vince wisely suggested we go to sleep. If it wasn't the real thing, it would spare me the emotional drama of it all. If it WAS the real thing, laying down wouldn't stop them, and I'd at least get some rest before a long night. He is a wise man, isn't he?

I was able to sleep for a few hours, but was still aware of contracting. At about 2:00 am I couldn't sleep anymore and decided to get up and read for a while. The contractions were definitely strong now; I was finding it hard to breathe through them, and really had to concentrate now. But they were still so far apart. At about 4:00, though, I knew it was the real thing. I called the midwife on call. She said they usually like us to wait until the contractions are at least 5 or less minutes apart, but if I really wanted to come in, I could. At this point they were only about 8 minutes, but since I was already at 4 cm dilated the day before, I wanted to get to the hospital in enough time. So I called my Mom, and woke up Vince and got dressed. My Dad and Joseph got to our house to stay with Brooke and Evan, and Vince and I left for the hospital, with my Mom right behind us. Vince could tell when I was having a contraction because every few minutes I would tell him to hurry up and drive faster!

By the time we got to the hospital and checked in it was about 5:15. They checked me and I was dilated to 6 1/2 cm. So I had made some progress. I decided to try laboring in the tub for a while to see if that would help with the pain. It was the perfect way to labor!! I was able to relax with each contraction instead of fighting with them. The next time they checked me I was at an 8. I was amazed that even in transition, the contractions were still only about 5 minutes or more apart. I think it really helped that I was able to take a break in between each one. Vince even got me laughing in between contractions. My mom commented on how she couldn't believe I was joking and laughing while in transition!

They checked me again and I was almost fully dilated--9 cm with just a lip of cervix left. The midwife, Claudia, just told me to do what felt natural. She said to go ahead and push if I felt like I needed to push. At this point though, my water was still intact (which is why I think the contractions were so manageable). After a few more contractions, I asked Claudia if she'd break my water. This was the point that everything changed!

It took a few tries to get the bag to rupture, but once it did, I had literally about 5 seconds before the baby's head came down, and FAST! With my other children, I felt like the pushing stage was the best part. Not this time! This was by far the hardest and most difficult part. I felt like I had good control until then. But fortunately, I didn't have much time to suffer, as she moved down so quickly. It's hard to describe, but at this point I felt like I was watching myself, and hearing myself, but not quite in my body--as if I were watching from above. It was an odd feeling. But a few quick, good pushes, and at 7:40 am on May 30th (just 2 1/2 hours after arriving at the hospital!) little baby Rachel Victoria was in my arms!! It was such an amazingly incredible experience! And as funny as it seems, I remember thinking just after she was born, that I NEVER want to experience a natural birth again! But even now, just over a week later, I see it differently. I guess the mind really does forget! ;0)

She has really been the perfect baby! She weighed in at 7 lbs 7 oz. (which is 12 oz bigger than Evan, and over 1 1/2 lbs bigger than Brooke!) and she was 19 inches long. She has the most amazing hair of any newborn. Her hair is dark underneath, with frosted silver tips, like Brooke's hair was, but lighter even than that. Her eyebrows and lashes are light blonde, which makes me think she may be a blondie!

She loves sucking on her fingers (or anything else that comes near her mouth) and is a great eater and a great sleeper! She fusses very little, and smiles a lot for a newborn! She even smiled at me for the first time yesterday! How clever of her!

Brooke and Evan are already smitten with their new little sister. Brooke we all knew would be a good little mama. She has been SUCH a help to me!

But Evan surprised me a little. He's never been much into little brand new babies. He usually doesn't want to hold them. But he walked in to see her the first time, and quickly got into an argument with Brooke about who was going to hold her first! Evan loves to kiss her head and stroke her hand. He loves to get close to her when she's awake and say, "Hi, Baby Rachel. I'm your brother!" And whenever he leaves for a while and comes back home, he'll run up to her and talk in his baby voice, "Hi, Baby Rachel! I'm back home now!"

I could go on and on. We're all in love with her. New babies just add such a special Spirit into our home. I waited so long for her. I'm so glad she's with us, and has become a part of our new family of five.

Keeping Christ in Christmas

Sorry it's been so long. For a while I thought I just didn't have anything to report. But now, I just don't have time to report anything!

Vince & I spoke in church on Sunday. What a great time of year to speak! We both felt really good about what was said and what was felt. So, since I'm REALLY short on time this week, and since the Christmas season is now here, I thought I'd share my talk with my lovely friends and family. It is kind of long, so feel free to skim if you'd like. And let me take a moment to wish you all a HAPPY Holiday Season!

Merry Christmas all!



I love this time of year! It is probably my favorite time. There just seems to be something magical in the air at Christmastime. I love the lights. I love the music. I love to see people happy and cheerful.

But I also admit that sometimes Christmas can be stressful. There seems to be an endless list of things to do, and, unfortunately, NOT an endless supply of money to see them all completed. And even though there is magic everywhere, I’ve often found myself getting bogged down by how much has to get done in such a short amount of time. I really think this is Satan’s way of ruining the most wonderful time of the year. I know it is he, and NOT our Father, who wants us to be overwhelmed, frustrated, pessimistic, and discouraged. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about ways in which we can overcome these feelings and be able to keep Christ in Christmas.

President Monson shared a poem with us about the Spirit of Christmas:
There’s Christmas in the home and church,
There’s Christmas in the mart;
But you’ll not know what Christmas is
Unless it’s in your heart.
The bells may call across the snow,
And carols search the air;
But, oh, the heart will miss the thrill
Unless it’s Christmas there.

One important way to keep Christmas in our hearts is to look outside ourselves. Service is the key to happiness. It is a way in which we can give our own gift to the babe born in Bethlehem. Remember that, as stated in Mosiah 2:17 “When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God” And we learn in Matt. 25:40 that “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

President Hinckley asked,
“Why are missionaries happy? Because," he answers, "they lose themselves in the service of others. Why are those who labor in the temples happy? Because their labor of love more nearly approaches the great vicarious work of the Savior…Of all times, it is Christmas when we must surely realize that there can be no true worship of Him who is the Christ without giving of ourselves. At this season let us, each one, reach out a little more generously in the spirit of the Christ.”

Spencer W. Kimball said, “Even though events and circumstances in the world at times become discouraging, our task, not alone in the Christmas season but always, is to be of good cheer. The Lord so often counsels us to have cheerfulness in our lives.”

Our Father in Heaven WANTS us to be happy. I think, especially at this time when we celebrate the birth of his Only Begotten Son, that our Father’s desire for us is to all feel joy.
President David O. McKay declared: “True happiness comes only by making others happy—the practical application of the Savior’s doctrine of losing one’s life to gain it. In short, the Christmas spirit is the Christ spirit, that makes our hearts glow in brotherly love and friendship and prompts us to kind deeds of service. It is the spirit of the gospel of Jesus Christ, obedience to which will bring ‘peace on earth,’ because it means—good will toward all men.”

President Monson also says, “Giving, not getting, brings to full bloom the Christmas spirit. Enemies are forgiven, friends remembered, and God obeyed. The spirit of Christmas illuminates the picture window of the soul, and we look out upon the world’s busy life and become more interested in people than things. To catch the real meaning of the ‘spirit of Christmas,’ we need only drop the last syllable, and it becomes the ‘Spirit of Christ.’”
Reflecting on my own life, I realized that even in our most difficult year, there has always been another family who struggled more than we did.

Not too many years ago, when Brooke was a baby and I was expecting Evan, we moved into a tiny little basement apartment. Vince was fresh out of school, and, as imaginable, money was tight. At the same time, my own parents who lived about 45 minutes away, were struggling themselves. My Dad had lost his job, and had been unemployed for many months. We were fortunate, because Vince had found a wonderful job before graduating. And even though we didn’t have much to spare, we always had what we needed.

That year, what I really wanted more than anything was a washer and dryer. This was the first place we’d lived since being married that had washer and dryer hookups. I couldn’t think of anything more wonderful than being able to wash the endless loads of pooped on, spit on clothes in my own home, and not having to drag them and two children to a Laundromat. I expressed (or complained) this to my mom several times about how much I was pining for them. But money was tight, and it would have to wait.

As Christmas came around, my Dad still had not been able to find work. I know he was anxious and discouraged. But the people close to my parents loved them, and didn’t hesitate to bless them. As Christmas drew closer, they found more and more “gifts” left on their porch by anonymous angels. One day my mother discovered a card with $200 cash. To this day, she still doesn’t know who left it. I was so grateful there were people to take care of my parents when I couldn’t be much help.

But instead of taking the cash and buying gifts for herself, or my Dad, or even my younger siblings, my sweet mother used the money to buy me a modest, used, but excellent working washer and dryer. I tried to object, but she insisted. She told me that so many people had blessed them with so much, and because of their situation, she had missed out on giving this Christmas. She wanted to give me this gift so she could enjoy the blessings of service. I was so humbled and so grateful. My parents have always been wonderful examples of selfless sacrifice and service.

President Monson has said,
“As we seek Christ, as we find Him, as we follow Him, we shall have the Christmas spirit, not for one fleeting day each year, but as a companion always. We shall learn to forget ourselves. We shall turn our thoughts to the greater benefit of others.
There is no shortage of opportunities to forget self and think of others. Such opportunities, however limitless they may be, are also perishable. There are hearts to gladden. There are kind words to say. There are gifts to be given. There are deeds to be done. There are souls to be saved.

"As we lift our eyes heavenward and then remember to look outward into the lives of others, as we remember that it is more blessed to give than to receive, we, during this Christmas season, will come to see a bright, particular star that will guide us to our precious opportunity.”

We also keep Christ in Christmas by remembering Him. It seems simple, but can often be overlooked as we rush about from store to store and activity to endless activity. I would admonish you at this special, glorious time, as President Howard W. Hunter encouraged us that, “If you desire to find the true spirit of Christmas and partake of the sweetness of it, let me make this suggestion to you,” he says, “During the hurry of the festive occasion of this Christmas season, find time to turn your heart to God. Perhaps in the quiet hours, and in a quiet place, and on your knees—alone or with loved ones—give thanks for the good things that have come to you, and ask that His Spirit might dwell in you as you earnestly strive to serve Him and keep His commandments. He will take you by the hand and His promises will be kept.”

Christmas can be a wonderful time to reflect on our Savior, on His life, His teachings, His sacrifice, and His Resurrection.

I’ve been reflecting on that first Christmas, so many years ago. Maybe it’s because I myself am in the middle of another pregnancy. But I cannot imagine how Mary could have endured those painful, final hours. I can’t imagine how she could have walked or ridden those many miles in her condition. I found these words expressed by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of his reflection on that humble night.

“I wonder,” Elder Holland says, “what emotions Joseph might have had as he cleared away the dung and debris. I wonder if he felt the sting of tears as he hurriedly tried to find the cleanest straw and hold the animals back. I wonder if he wondered: “Could there be a more unhealthy, a more disease-ridden, a more despicable circumstance in which a child could be born? Is this a place fit for a king? Should the mother of the Son of God be asked to enter the “valley of the shadow of death" (Ps. 23:4) in such a foul and unfamiliar place as this? Is it wrong to wish her some comfort? Is it right He should be born here?

"But I am certain Joseph did not mutter and Mary did not wail. They knew a great deal and did the best they could. Perhaps these parents knew even then that in the beginning of his mortal life, as well as in the end, this baby son born to them would have to descend beneath every human pain and disappointment. He would do so to help those who also felt they had been born without advantage.”

And yet, born in a lowly stable, He came, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! And all the Earth rejoiced at His coming! I like to imagine that I, too was there, singing with the Heavenly Host and rejoicing at His birth!

And at this wonderful time when we remember His birth, let us also remember His sacrifice, and His glorious Resurrection! I love this quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley: “There would be no Christmas if there had not been Easter. The babe Jesus of Bethlehem would be but another baby without the redeeming Christ of Gethsemane and Calvary, and the triumphant fact of the Resurrection.
"I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of the Eternal, Living God. None so great has ever walked the earth. None other has made a comparable sacrifice or granted a comparable blessing. He is the Savior and the Redeemer of the world. I believe in Him. I declare His divinity without equivocation or compromise. I love Him. I speak His name in reverence and wonder. I worship Him as I worship His Father, in spirit and in truth. I thank Him and kneel before His Beloved Son who reached out long ago and said to each of us, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28). For each of you may this be a merry Christmas. But more importantly, I wish for each of you a time, perhaps only an hour, spent in silent meditation and quiet reflection on the wonder and the majesty of this, the Son of God. Our joy at this season is because He came into the world. The peace that comes from Him, His infinite love which each of us may feel, and an overwhelming sense of gratitude for that which He freely gave us at so great a cost to Himself—these are of the true essence of Christmas.”

And lastly, I would encourage you at this time of reflection, to take the wonderful Spirit of this season and keep it with you, not only through the month of December, but throughout the year, and into the next.

As President Ezra Taft Benson has said, “I hope that the commemoration of the Christmas season is more than just a tradition in your homes. I hope it reflects your deep abiding testimony of the divinity of our Savior’s birth and mission. And I hope that the sweet peace you feel during this season will cause you to be ever more committed to live his teachings and thereby demonstrate your love and allegiance to him.”

President Monson encouraged us “If we are to have the very best Christmas ever, we must listen for the sound of sandaled feet. We must reach out for the Carpenter’s hand. With every step we take in His footsteps, we abandon a doubt and gain a truth.”

I admonish all of us to take a little time this Season to reflect on our Savior. As we were promised just this morning, as we remember Him, we will always have His Spirit to be with us. I know that as we remember His life and teachings and sacrifice, as we are more willing to serve those around us, we will have the Christmas Spirit with us. And it’s my hope and prayer that we will continue to keep this Spirit with us throughout this blessed season, and throughout the rest of the year, and continue to through the rest of our lives.

I Love Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving has to be one of my top 3 Holidays for sure. I love everything about it. I actually even LOVE the hours of cooking part of Thanksgiving. (Though, not so much the cleaning it all up bit.) I like spending hours in the kitchen with other women that I love and respect. Even if we're only talking about how to make the best mashed potatoes and when we know the turkey will be done.

I like making food that other people enjoy. I like that my rolls have become my signature piece. I really love the eating part! (Even this year when I'm suffering from morning sickness! I've actually been looking forward to the meal all week!) But I just mostly love the whole day (or week) when we can be with family and enjoy one another's company and make memories.

I love the whole idea of Thanksgiving. I love that it's a time of reflection on the joy in our lives and the many, many blessings the Lord has given us. Especially this year. I just feel so blessed and really, truly happy.

Okay, okay. I'll finally make this official....

....You know, because I am such a blabber mouth, and word is getting out anyway. And I know some of you already know this, but some of you don't and I hate trying to keep track of who knows what, so I'll just say it.




[Big breath]

Okay, maybe I won't just say it. Don't they say that a picture speaks a thousand words? Here's my picture then....







After a VERY, VERY long break, and lots of hoping, I finally got one of these:

Yup. Two lines. Which you're probably all thinking, "Oh, that explains A LOT! That must be why she looks so tired, irritable, and sick-looking every time I see her!" :) Yup. That would be why. Baby #3 is on its way, and we're expecting him/her to arrive sometime in May-ish, I hope. But for now, I'm struggling to find ANYTHING in this whole darn world that looks remotely appetizing to force down my esophagus. Because, really, NOTHING does. Nothing. You know all those lovely foods I used to enjoy? Yeah, not only can I not eat them, I can't smell them, listen to them cooking, or even look at them. Actually, I think I need to stop talking about food now...

Just know that Vince & I and both kids are ecstatic. Can't wait. And I really know it's worth it all in the end. I just have to tell myself that multiple times a day. Oh yeah. I'm the one that asked for this and wanted this! And really, I do. I've been wanting this baby for a long, long time. So say a little prayer that the next 6 1/2 months go wonderfully well for me and #3!

The Sweet Moments of Motherhood

I love being a Mom! It is seriously a wonderful job! It was reiterated to me several more times in the past week and a half that I am a lucky, lucky woman.

After Evan came home from Kindergarten on Friday, during lunchtime, we got into a discussion about our bodies. Evan's had a bit of a cough, and during lunch he asked me, "Mom, why do we cough?" So, being the good mom that I am, I started into a long discussion on different organs in our body and how they work. We talked about little germs that get in our lungs and that we cough to get them back out. We talked about how the lungs fill up with air like a balloon and take oxygen to our heart, which carries it to our muscles so they can move. We talked about the two holes in our throats that go either to our lungs or to our stomach. We talked about how sometimes if we swallow wrong the water goes into our lungs and makes us cough a lot to get it back out. "Mom, but what happens if air goes down the other tube?" "Well, when air gets into our stomachs, then we burp," I told him with a smile. Evan thought this was hilariously funny and laughed about it for the next few minutes. And I had to stop after our conversation and say a quick prayer of gratitude for being a mom to such an inquisitive, bright, delightful little 5-year old boy!

I admit, I'm not always a great mom. After a long few days of working extra, trying to get into the new routine of school and work and practicing piano and homework, being a hormonal woman, having Vince in Vernal again for a few days, and having grumpy tired children and being a grumpy tired mom, I snapped one night at bedtime, frustrated that my children were being silly instead of going to sleep. I lectured them on why we need to go to bed on time so we're not all cranky the next day, and that I was tired and needed it to be quiet. They got the picture and were silent again when I shut the door. Relieved that it was finally quiet again, but having a pit of guilt in my stomach, I returned to folding laundry. I found a dress that needed to be hung up, but I didn't have any more little hangers. So I quietly opened the door to the kids' room to hang it up. In the dark, I caught a glimpse of my sweet Brookie, kneeling on her bed, eyes closed and head down. I stood for a minute watching her finish, thinking that in the chaos and hassle of getting kids to bed, I'd forgotten to remind them to pray. She looked up and smiled at me in that sweet forgiving way only children do, and said, "I was just saying my prayers. I say my prayers every night." A few tears filled my eyes as I hugged her and told her how proud I was that she always remembers to pray, and that hearing her say that was the best thing that had happened to me all day. That night I knelt by my own bed and expressed deep appreciation to my Father in Heaven for sending me such wonderful children who, even amid my shortcomings, are cultivating a relationship with Him. I am so grateful. I may not do everything right, but it is a great comfort to a young mom to see them learning good things.