Baby Caleb

Pregnancy is really hard on me. And being pregnant in my 30s has been even more difficult. But seeing Caleb's fat cheeks, and being able to kiss his adorable little nose, and smell that newborn head, I can say it is worth it!

I'll admit that having given birth to 35- and 37-week babies has spoiled me. My last two pregnancies were so mentally and emotionally challenging because I was thinking "any day now" for the entire last month. And Caleb decided he wasn't ready until 4 days before my due date--the longest I've ever been pregnant!

I’d been pretty discouraged that I was quickly approaching my due date and NOTHING seemed to be happening! I'd experienced some good contractions, but hadn't had those "false labor" episodes that at least signaled that the end was near. I became increasingly discouraged as my due date grew nearer.

So I spent a lot of time praying and trying to be patient. It was actually at church on Sunday, while I was reading the words to the Hymn “Master, the Tempest is Raging” during Sacrament Meeting, the words at the end of the 2nd verse struck me as profound: A plea to the Lord to “Hasten, and take control!” I’d been frustrated that I had no control over this life-changing event. I was anxious about when things would happen. I was frustrated that I couldn’t plan my life. I was anxious about how things would play out. As I started to remember more vividly the pains of childbirth, I began to question my desire to have another natural birth, and I started doubting my ability to handle it. I worried about caring for a newborn again, and how my life would change. But as I read the words to the Hymn, the thought came into my mind, “You want to be in control of this, but aren’t things always better when He is in control?” And the chorus reminds that all of the elements sweetly obey His will. And Peace, be still. And I did feel peace and trust again that He knew what was best.

Interestingly enough, it was that very night that I began labor. I’d had a few contractions in the evening, which wasn’t unusual. I went to bed for a few hours and awoke at about 2am to a hard contraction. I laid in bed for about 45 minutes until I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep through them as they became increasingly more intense. So I got up and read for a while.

This labor was very similar to Rachel's. The contractions became more and more hard, intense, and took much more concentration to get through them. But they didn't get close together. In fact, they were still quite irregular. I went to the bathroom around 4:00 and chatted with Vince about what to do. As I laid in bed again, the contractions actually stopped. After about 1/2 hour I decided this must not be the real thing, so I thought we should just go back to sleep. But then at 4:30, I got hit HARD by a very strong contraction. That was the turning point for me! I knew then that this was it.

So we made calls to the midwife and my mom and got ready to head in to the hospital. My sister, Beth, came to stay with the kids and Mom followed us to the hospital. We got there a little after 6am. I was still worried about them checking me and hooking me up and that the contractions would stop and I'd be sent home. So I was anxious to see if I'd progressed from the 3 cm I was at my last appointment. Fortunately, I was already at a 6, and they let me stay!

I was able to get in the tub around 7:00. I tried that for a while, and made some progress, but my contractions were still far apart and a bit irregular. When I was around 8 cm I decided to get out and try sitting on the birthing ball and standing to help move things more quickly.

The last hour was definitely the most difficult. That was the point in which my brain turned foggy. And although I could hear and was aware of things going on around me, I became so focused on myself and what was going on in my own body. I knew I wasn't thinking clearly. I remember people asking me questions about trying different positions or techniques, but I couldn't answer except for "I don't know."

Up to this point, my water was still intact. I had a hard time feeling the overwhelming urge to push, so I asked my midwife to break my water. (I was almost fully dilated.) The same as with Rachel, as soon as she broke my water, Caleb's head descended quickly. I definitely felt the urge then! Pushing was more difficult with Caleb than with any of my others that I can remember. But it didn't take very long. And at 9:52 am a beautiful baby boy was born into our family! It was a very emotional experience for me as they laid him on my chest. I cried a lot. I went through so much to get him here, and was so happy to finally have my baby boy.

At first I thought we would name him Adam, but when we saw him, it just didn’t fit. After much discussion that day, we decided to name him Caleb. He was 7 lbs 11 oz and 19 ½ inches long. He looks a lot like his daddy, and similar to his siblings, but with his own unique Caleb look. We are already so smitten with this new little bundle of joy!

Here he is at one month! This month has gone by so fast already! (Much faster than the month BEFORE he was born!)

We’re especially grateful that he is here! And that he is healthy. And that I am healthy. We truly have been blessed.

And Four Became Five

Well, after waiting for so long, it finally happened. And I started this post last week, but didn't seem to ever have the time to finish. Plus, I've still been mulling the experience around in my mind for the last week, and needed some time to process it in order to tell you about it. I'm like that, though. Always have to think things through for a long time.

I will have to start at the beginning. And bear with me as I go through all the wonderful details. (Hope it doesn't gross anyone out!) I'd been feeling pretty miserable lately, especially since going in to the hospital on Sunday thinking I was in labor, and then being turned away and having to go back home babyless. Not a fun experience. By the time I made it to my appointment on Friday morning, I was so ready to be done. After talking to my midwife about my options, she asked if I wanted her to strip my membranes (even though she technically shouldn't have done it, she says, she was willing to as long as I didn't mention it to any of the other ladies in the practice). I told her YES right away!

I had some mild cramping and some contracting throughout the rest of the day. But nothing really too impressive or consistent. And I'll admit, that did disappoint me. So in order to not get so discouraged by sitting around thinking about how much I wanted to go into labor, I decided to go to my little brother's High School Graduation. Maybe the baby got bored during the long ceremony, or maybe it was walking up and down the Marriot Center stairs. But I noticed on the ride home, I started having some contractions, but only every 20 minutes apart or so.

At home, I made dinner and got the kids ready for bed. All the while I kept contracting, but they were still 15 minutes apart or so, not a big deal. But I did notice that they started to get more and more impressive (meaning painful). I really wanted to stay up and walk around and make sure they didn't fizzle out once again, but Vince wisely suggested we go to sleep. If it wasn't the real thing, it would spare me the emotional drama of it all. If it WAS the real thing, laying down wouldn't stop them, and I'd at least get some rest before a long night. He is a wise man, isn't he?

I was able to sleep for a few hours, but was still aware of contracting. At about 2:00 am I couldn't sleep anymore and decided to get up and read for a while. The contractions were definitely strong now; I was finding it hard to breathe through them, and really had to concentrate now. But they were still so far apart. At about 4:00, though, I knew it was the real thing. I called the midwife on call. She said they usually like us to wait until the contractions are at least 5 or less minutes apart, but if I really wanted to come in, I could. At this point they were only about 8 minutes, but since I was already at 4 cm dilated the day before, I wanted to get to the hospital in enough time. So I called my Mom, and woke up Vince and got dressed. My Dad and Joseph got to our house to stay with Brooke and Evan, and Vince and I left for the hospital, with my Mom right behind us. Vince could tell when I was having a contraction because every few minutes I would tell him to hurry up and drive faster!

By the time we got to the hospital and checked in it was about 5:15. They checked me and I was dilated to 6 1/2 cm. So I had made some progress. I decided to try laboring in the tub for a while to see if that would help with the pain. It was the perfect way to labor!! I was able to relax with each contraction instead of fighting with them. The next time they checked me I was at an 8. I was amazed that even in transition, the contractions were still only about 5 minutes or more apart. I think it really helped that I was able to take a break in between each one. Vince even got me laughing in between contractions. My mom commented on how she couldn't believe I was joking and laughing while in transition!

They checked me again and I was almost fully dilated--9 cm with just a lip of cervix left. The midwife, Claudia, just told me to do what felt natural. She said to go ahead and push if I felt like I needed to push. At this point though, my water was still intact (which is why I think the contractions were so manageable). After a few more contractions, I asked Claudia if she'd break my water. This was the point that everything changed!

It took a few tries to get the bag to rupture, but once it did, I had literally about 5 seconds before the baby's head came down, and FAST! With my other children, I felt like the pushing stage was the best part. Not this time! This was by far the hardest and most difficult part. I felt like I had good control until then. But fortunately, I didn't have much time to suffer, as she moved down so quickly. It's hard to describe, but at this point I felt like I was watching myself, and hearing myself, but not quite in my body--as if I were watching from above. It was an odd feeling. But a few quick, good pushes, and at 7:40 am on May 30th (just 2 1/2 hours after arriving at the hospital!) little baby Rachel Victoria was in my arms!! It was such an amazingly incredible experience! And as funny as it seems, I remember thinking just after she was born, that I NEVER want to experience a natural birth again! But even now, just over a week later, I see it differently. I guess the mind really does forget! ;0)

She has really been the perfect baby! She weighed in at 7 lbs 7 oz. (which is 12 oz bigger than Evan, and over 1 1/2 lbs bigger than Brooke!) and she was 19 inches long. She has the most amazing hair of any newborn. Her hair is dark underneath, with frosted silver tips, like Brooke's hair was, but lighter even than that. Her eyebrows and lashes are light blonde, which makes me think she may be a blondie!

She loves sucking on her fingers (or anything else that comes near her mouth) and is a great eater and a great sleeper! She fusses very little, and smiles a lot for a newborn! She even smiled at me for the first time yesterday! How clever of her!

Brooke and Evan are already smitten with their new little sister. Brooke we all knew would be a good little mama. She has been SUCH a help to me!

But Evan surprised me a little. He's never been much into little brand new babies. He usually doesn't want to hold them. But he walked in to see her the first time, and quickly got into an argument with Brooke about who was going to hold her first! Evan loves to kiss her head and stroke her hand. He loves to get close to her when she's awake and say, "Hi, Baby Rachel. I'm your brother!" And whenever he leaves for a while and comes back home, he'll run up to her and talk in his baby voice, "Hi, Baby Rachel! I'm back home now!"

I could go on and on. We're all in love with her. New babies just add such a special Spirit into our home. I waited so long for her. I'm so glad she's with us, and has become a part of our new family of five.

Kindergarten Graduation

I can't believe the school year is already over! It's amazing how fast time flies!

Evan had his Kindergarten Graduation program today. It was the one last thing I was really worried about missing. So I'm so glad I was here for it! It's always fun to see the kids singing and waving and smiling at their mommies, daddies, and grammies! So here are some pictures from his program:

Then we went back to the classroom so the kids could get their "diplomas!" Here we are with his teacher, Mrs. Bryson (whom we ALL just adore--she seriously is the greatest teacher ever)!

Getting the diploma:

With another fabulous lady, Mrs. Ferrell, our teacher's aide:

Mrs. Bryson:

Happy Mama:

And of course, Grammy!

And this last picture is of Evan a week ago Monday, after he had a traumatic fall at school. He scraped his knee, elbow, and face up real good. But the worst part was the bloody "road rash" he got on his gums. It was bad enough we had to take a quick emergency visit to the dentist. Fortunately, we have a WONDERFUL dentist (thanks, Jo, for marrying into a great family!) and Evan didn't end up needing stitches. It's healed beautifully. But we came home from the whole ordeal, I fed him some applesauce and pudding, and he promptly crashed on the sofa. Poor kid.

And just for fun, I found a few random pictures of my sweet boy. Enjoy taking a quick stroll through memory lane:

I can't believe how fast you grow up! It certainly goes by way too quickly.

Evan's Birthday

Umm. Evan had his 6th Birthday at the end of last month. So yeah, I'm slow (as always). But, especially for certain Aunties who have complained to me that I'm slow at sharing pictures, I thought I'd share these for your enjoyment! So enjoy!

Opening presents that morning before school, since Dad had to go out of town that day for work. (Notice Evan's slick hair!)

Showing Dad his new Lego Star Wars toy! (Which amazingly Evan put together all on his own, using the instruction sheet. I was floored. I don't know that I could've done it! So, do you think we have a future engineer on our hands??)

We went to Grammy and Opa's for dinner and cake that evening, since Dad was gone. It was fun sharing his special day with special grandparents! This is Grammy's present for Evan! I think he likes it, Grammy!

The funny thing about Evan's cake was that he decided he wanted a "Death Star" cake. Again, if you know anything about Evan, you know that he is obsessed with Star Wars. So I thought a while about how to do a Death Star cake. Fortunately, Evan wore his Star Wars shirt that day. So I kind of used the picture on his shirt to come up with my own variation of a Death Star. You really have to know what it is to have it make any sense. I know if I didn't explain what it really was, you would probably all be wondering why in Heaven's name his cake looks so odd. Now you know!

I love this face! This is his typical "cheese" grin he gives when he know he has to have his picture taken, but doesn't really want to! So very Evan!

I can't believe he's six! Where does the time go?

My Baby is in Kindergarten!!

It seems odd to be the mother of TWO elementary school children. It feels even more odd to not have ANY preschoolers/babies at home in the mornings. But after two days, I've concluded that this might just be a good thing! Some alone time in the morning is nice. I certainly wouldn't want it for very long, though.

Evan was not at ALL worried about going back to school. Or at least if he was nervous, he didn't show it. I woke the kids up early on Monday so we could be sure we had enough time to get ready. I started our Children's Miracle Music CD, and let the "wake up" music start playing. I then gently stroked Evan's arms and legs to get him to wake up. Nothing. He was still dreaming. So in my sweetest voice I said, "Good Morning!" Evan rubbed his little eyes vigorously. I told him to just let himself wake up, that he didn't have to get up till this song was over and it was time to make his bed, but he sat right up and said, "No! I'm awake! I'm awake!" He was very excited to start Kindergarten this morning! And he didn't want to be late and miss it!

Here he is, all ready to head to the bus:


How did they get so big??

I LOVE that the bus stop is at the park right across the street. There are lots of kids at that stop. Here they are waiting for the bus:
And waiting with Evan's best friend (whom he's decided he will marry some day):

Getting on the bus:

After I put Evan on the bus, I drove down to the school to make sure he got to the right place! The kids played for a minute, and the bell rang, and they all lined up. (Do I sense just a hint of nervousness in this face?)
Then they waved goodbye: And walked through the door. (Mrs Bryson is the blonde with a blue shirt. We LOVE her!)
I then took the long walk to the car all alone. There were several parents walking that direction, and the school principle walked the other way. He must've seen our sad faces, because he called out, "It's okay, Parents! Don't be sad. We will love them!" He's such a good man. He knew just what we were feeling. I got in the car, and just cried a little bit! I remember when Brooke went to Kindergarten that first day, Evan and I BOTH cried the whole way home! I'm actually excited to have a few hours alone during the day. I think the one problem with a milestone like this one, is this really is the day I realize that my children DO grow up. :( As much as I wish I could bottle up their cute little baby selves, and save them to peek at on a hard day, I know it is inevitable. I do miss my babies, I just have to learn how to cherish the NEW milestones and focus on those. They won't be babies forever. But they will always be MY babies!